


Four Star

by offcolor



Category: Naruto
Genre: Kakuhida - Freeform, KisaIta - Freeform, Lemons, M/M, Romance, SasoDei - Freeform, Yaoi, restaurant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:39:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offcolor/pseuds/offcolor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deidara, a new employee at the Akatsuki restaurant, meets a redheaded chef that threatens his reputation and future goals.. Sasodei, probably some future kakuhida, light kisaita.  Future lemons, prolly. Shoutout to my editor Mariah, you rock qurl</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

FOUR STAR

****

 

“You never even went to school… You’ve got to be joking if you think I’d hire you. Do you even know what kind of place this is?”

On a cold Wednesday night in December, a young man with long blonde hair stood in front of a medium sized building, smoking a cigarette.

“I think you’ve been working here long enough to know we don’t hire idiots as chefs”

Slim fingers shook as he clutched the stick, the embers almost at the butt. lips parted to let a puff of smoke out, before the boy flicked the cig onto the ground.

“Get out of here, kid. You’re worthless. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just a desperate little-

He crushed the butt of the cigarette into the concrete with his foot, successfully smothering it. His face turned up in a bitter scowl as he recalled the memories from his previous job.

"This will probably be the last one of the night, hn." He spoke softly to himself

The structure beyond him was illuminated by lustrous city lights, and above the red and black awning he was currently loitering under, big black letters read "The Akatsuki". Still standing, the blonde fished for a folded up paper stashed in his black dress pants, pulling it out and unfolding it. He gazed at the wrinkled paper, reading the information on the page. 

"I'm pretty sure this is the right place, yeah..." 

Eager to escape from the bitter cold nipping at his fingertips, the boy pulled open the door and stepped into the establishment. He was immediately met with a rush of warm air, as well as the sounds and sights of a restaurant. The first words that enter his mind are 'hustle and bustle'. 

"Can I help you, sir?" 

The words from the black haired host broke his train of thought, and the blonde turned to notice a very beautiful feminine man. While his voice proved otherwise, if seen from far away, the raven haired employee could easily be mistaken as a female. Blue eyes met red, as the out of place boy struggled to find words.

"Oh, uh... My names Deidara. I came in for an interview like, two weeks ago... Some guy named  
Pein called me to come in for training, hn..." 

The raven haired man gave Deidara a faint smile, and spoke 

"Oh, you must have applied for the new server position. We've been a little short handed lately, I'm sure Pein is glad to have you here. Follow me, I'll take you to his office."

As the man started walking towards the back, he turned his head to look at the blonde, and said

"Oh, by the way, my name is Itachi Uchiha.”  
~~~!~~~  
"I need more crab cakes! Someone take them out of the hot box!" 

"This plate needs protein!"

"Stop touching the rim of the fucking plate! You're leaving fucking smudges!"

"Is that Chicken ready yet?" 

"Oh my god, someone get me some FUCKING CRAB CAKES!" 

Itachi led Deidara through the loud kitchen, while Deidara tried his best not to get into anybodies way by sticking close to the Uchiha. After making it through the battle-field like cookery, they came upon an office, which had the blinds shut. Itachi stopped and turned

"Wait here, I'll be right back." 

Itachi disappeared into the office, and Deidara stood out like a sore thumb in the hectic bustle of the room. Deidara loved cooking, and considered himself to be pretty good at it. It was a passion of his, he considered making food to be an art... As far as the service industry was concerned, he’s been around to a few places, even done a few freelance cooking gigs here and there. Despite his experience in the indust+ry, nobody wanted to hire him as a chef… Just because he never went to school for culinary arts. Fuck college, he had talent... why would he waste his time in a stupid classroom?

The office door opened, and his train of thought was interrupted for the second time that night. He turned, finding a orange haired man with several facial piercings in front of him with his hand outstretched. Pein, who was just slightly taller than Deidara, leaked an air of intimidation, professionalism, and intelligence. He was the kind of man that did not mess around, and because of this trait was the owner of a very successful restaurant.

This guy was just as scary the last time I was here… Deidara thought silently to himself as he shook the man's hand

“It’s good to see you again, Deidara. Welcome to the Akatsuki. Based on your interview, you seem to be experienced in the field of serving. You should be able to learn the ropes here quite easily.”

Deidara looked around him, still in awe at the hectic activity of the kitchen. Uncertainly, he spoke

“I’ve worked at a few restaurants, but none quite like this one, yeah….” 

“Well, I’ll start you off with a tour, and we’ll go over the rules and guidelines…”

“Okay, hn.” 

Itachi walked past the duo whispering good luck to deidara, and picked up a few plates of food before leaving the kitchen.

“First off, this is my office.” Pein commented, pointing at the mysterious closed off room.  
“Unless there is an emergency, I ask that you do not bother me. My accountant and co-owner Kakuzu shares this office with me; However, he’s not in so you’ll have to meet him another time.” 

Deidara nodded in understanding. They walked back into the action of the kitchen, coming upon a double sided stainless steel counter, with the chefs and their equipment behind one side, and walking space on the other. The yelling and swearing was disorienting, but he managed to keep up with Pein's explanations. 

“This is where you will pick up your orders. Most meals take 15 or so minutes to make, and we do ask you to keep on top of your orders so things don’t get backed up.“

Looking up from expertly cutting vegetables, a porcelain faced red headed chef scoffed at the sight of Deidara. 

“Who’s this kid?” the redhead asked

“He’s the new wait staff. After that creepy Orochimaru guy left and got hired at that new place two blocks down, we’ve been short handed.” Pein explained, gesturing to Sasori “Deidara, this is Sasori. He’s one of our head chef” 

Sasori was a shorter man, but despite his height, his appearance demanded respect. He looked at home in the kitchen, like he knew exactly what he was doing one hundred percent of the time. Deidara caught himself staring into Sasori's muddy brown eyes, a twinge of attraction sparking inside of his chest. 

Sasori clicked his tongue at the blonde.

“We don’t need any more idiot servers, Pein” Sasori growled

Deidara grimaced at the man. Who the fuck is this asshat? He’d be cute if he wasn’t a dick…. Deidara thought, recoiling from the bad taste the chef left in his mouth. But before he could say anything back, A very large chef with blue hair chimed in

“Ahh don’t be so mean to the waitstaff Sasori, they work hard too, ne?” acknowledging Deidara 

“My name is Kisame, by the way. Nice to meet you.” 

Deidara smiled and nodded at the large body, at least someone was going to be friendly to him. Kisame seemed experienced in his craft as well, him and Sasori no doubt a good team.

Pein stared blankly back at Sasori “Whether you like it or not, Sasori, it’ll make everyone's job a lot easier.” 

“Whatever.” the chef commented, but Pein was already walking away with Deidara in tow. They came upon another long steel table, with an industrial looking dishwasher behind it. There was a strange man working, he seemed to have burns on one half of his face. Deidara tried not to stare, and looked to Pein for explanation. 

“This is where you will put dirty dishes. You are not only responsible for taking orders and serving, but for busing as well. Make sure you put the dirty ones on this half of the counter” Pein patted the right side of the table “So that the dirty dishes do not get mixed up with the clean ones.”

Deidara, making mental notes of all the information Pein was giving him,waited to be introduced to the… strange dishwasher.

“This is Zetsu, our dishwasher.” Pein answered, noting the blondes quizzical expression  
Not even turning from his task Zetsu grinned, “ah, so this is the new meat…” A low gravelly voice commented. “I’m sure Sasori will have his fun with this one…” the same man said, his voice changing in pitch dramatically. “Ah, he does seem like Sasori’s type- Shut up and get back to work”

Is this guy seriously talking to himself? He must be nuts! Just as this thought crossed Deidara's mind, Pein gave him the ‘don’t ask any questions’ look, and they moved onto the next part of orientation….  
~~~!~~~

By the end of the night, Deidara had been able to finish orientation with Pein as well as shadow a waitress by the name of Konan for at least two hours. He and Konan had gotten along swimmingly, since they were of the same age and had many of the same interests. All in all, he had an extremely successful first night.

However, the one thing that did not go as planned was chef Sasori's attitude. It was extremely distracting when he had a pair of eyes glaring him down every time he came into the kitchen.

Out of all the events of the evening, there was one that he couldn't particularly stop thinking about…

 

It was just about 12:00 am, closing time for the Akatsuki. Deidara was in the back room, putting his dirty apron into a bin placed on the floor. At that moment, Sasori walked into the room rolling his eyes when he saw the young blonde. 

"I can't believe they actually hired a brat like you..." Sasori remarked 

Deidara turned around, startled by the silken voice laden with insult. Anger quickly set in when he realised just who's mouth the abrasive comment came out of.

"Wow, you hardly even fucking know me, yeah. Why don't you stop busting my balls and just do your fucking job like everybody else." 

The red head let out a loud laugh, which pissed off the blonde even more. 

"Stop acting so naïve, like half the people around here haven't heard your name..."

Deidara glared at Sasori, not showing his fear of what the redhead might know about him…

"Yeah, Deidara rings a bell... If I'm mistaken, you're the kid who sleeps around with people just  
to get a job as a chef... So you can hide the fact that you didn't even go to culinary school" Sasori's voice was low, as if he didn't want anyone to hear

Deidara flinched at the comment, almost immediately recovering. It's not like his character had not been insulted before…

"Fuck you, Sasori, hn" He growled, walking up to him and grabbing his shirt violently. Despite this act of violence, Sasori was as stoic as ever. The chef was only a half an inch or so shorter than himself, and he smelled good... The blonde pushed this thought out of his head, what was he thinking in a moment like this?

"maybe you should stop acting like you haven't been staring at me all night because you think I'm hot, yeah." Deidara bluffed. He really had no idea if Sasori had some hidden attraction for him or maybe he was just trying to scare him away... 

Deidara's thought process was interrupted when Sasori broke his grip and pushed him with a large amount of force. How could that small body produce that much strength? Before he knew it, Deidara was pinned to the back wall, sasori's face so close he could feel his hot breath on his cheek.

"So what if I did think you were good looking...Would you fuck me, just to get a promotion?"

Deidara wiggled under Sasori's grip, unable to break it. A light blush fell on his cheeks, there was no way this guy was pinning him right now... The blonde stared into the chefs eyes with a spark of defiance, refusing to lose the fight. After a long pause, Deidara finally spoke

"Fuck you Sasori, yeah." 

The red head laughed and released his grip on the waiter.

"Hah, that's what I thought." Sasori said, getting the last word. 

Deidara gave one last glare at Sasori before walking out of the room, looking as flustered as ever. Sasori watched him walk out of the room, until he was out of sight.

He sighed, and reached into his pocket, grabbing the hard mass between his legs to readjust it, trying not make it so obvious he had a raging boner...  
~~~!~~~


	2. Dyes and Shit

Four star  
*

*

*

*

Dyes and shit

The next morning, Deidara woke up, sun shining across his face and sheets. “Stupid sun, hm” He mumbled to himself, pulling his blankets over his head. After ten minutes of rolling around, he groggily got out of bed. He shivered when his feet hit the floor; the coldness sending electric shocks up his body. He walked to the bathroom, grabbing towels along the way.

Thirty minutes later, the blonde stepped out of the shower, feeling refreshed as he towel dried his hair. Neglecting to get dressed, Deidara now stood in his small kitchen peering into the contents of his refrigerator. “No eggs, no milk…” he grumbled “Time to go grocery shopping.” He contemplated going to the corner store, but decided to splurge a little bit, seeing as he just got another job. After getting dressed in jeans and a dark blue Northface, he stepped outside of his flat and locked the door. 

Since he only lived a few blocks from center city, Deidara had no need for a car. After walking a few blocks he turned down an alleyway, coming upon a very obscure street. On this street was one of his favorite farmers markets, they truly had the best produce. It was a little more expensive, but the quality was worth the money. He grabbed a basket, and started shopping around, weighing the fruits and vegetables in his hand, looking for bruises and imperfections…

Just about twenty minutes later, Deidara’s basket was filled with eggs, milk, some miscellaneous vegetables and fruits. As he meandered down the aisles looking for anything else he might need, he spotted a flash of brilliant red hair two stalls over. Panic set in when he realised that the red hair belonged to Sasori. Memories of the previous night flashed into his head…

_"Yeah, Deidara rings a bell... If I'm not mistaken, you're the kid who sleeps around with people just to get a job as a chef... So you can hide the fact that you didn't even go to culinary school" Sasori's voice was low, as if he didn't want anyone to hear_

Deidara flinched at the comment, almost immediately recovering. It's not like his character had not been insulted before…

"Fuck you, Sasori, hn" He growled…

Deidara shook himself out of the memory, just in time for him to duck out of Sasori’s view.

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuck…_ He chanted over and over in his head. Deidara did NOT feel like dealing with the redhead at the moment. As he craftily planned his escape route from under the stall, he heard footsteps beside him.

“What are you doing down there, idiot?” A familiar voice said 

Deidara stood up, a light blush fell across his cheeks, looking anywhere but at Sasori

“Grocery Shopping, yeah…” Deidara admitted, ashamed to be found hiding from the redhead.  
“it doesn’t look like you were getting much done from down there” Sasori teased

“hn..” Deidara grunted, wishing desperately to check out and leave as soon as possible

“Why are you even here? Don’t brats like you usually go to Whole Foods or whatever the most hip grocery market is…?” Sasori asked, a sneer on his face

Deidara’s head snapped up, eager to defend himself “This farmers market has the best produce around. If I have enough money, I’d rather spend it on good ingredients” 

Sasori couldn’t help but stare at Deidara’s sun kissed face while he spoke… As much as he hated to admit it, the blonde was quite attractive. He pushed these thoughts out of his head as Deidara continued his rant.

“I’d hate to waste my money going to the grocery chain and getting their several-day-old mediocre stuff thats pumped with fucking dyes and shit just to make it look good.” Deidara finished, putting his hand on his hip. 

He stared into Sasori’s brilliant brown eyes, asking “What about you, hn? Why are you here?”

“For the same reason” he replied quickly. Maybe he does know a thing or two…but no way that alone makes him a chef. I bet he barely knows the basics of cooking. Sasori thought to himself.

“Whatever, just don’t be late for work.” Said the redhead, brushing past Deidara. 

Before Deidara was able to say anything, the redhead was already far away. As the butterflies left the blondes stomach, he moved to the checkout and paid for his groceries, contemplating why Sasori made him feel so nervous…

~~~!~~~

It was just about 2:30, and Deidara just finished getting ready for work. As he walked out of his apartment and onto the sidewalk, he took notice of the ridiculous amount of traffic. He scoffed, pulling out a cigarette. Only idiots think they can get anywhere in a car around here. As we was walking, he noticed something speeding up the street in his peripheral vision. He turned his head just in time to see someone on a sleek, black motorbike speeding up the space between the cars and the sidewalk. 

The biker turned his head just long enough to glance at the blonde. Deidara stared back quizzically. That was definitely illegal...

The blonde sighed as he loitered outside of the Akatsuki, taking one last drag of his cigarette before flicking it away somewhere unknown. He pulled open the doors, stepping in and immediately hearing the screaming...

“I don’t care if you’re not on the floor! Wear a shirt!” A dark gruff voice yelled

“Fuck off, you stupid old man! I don’t care what you think, you can’t tell me what to do!” A shrill voice replied. 

The fight continued, and Deidara rolled his eyes… He already wasn’t looking forward to Sasori. Now he had to deal with this? After putting away his jacket and bag, the blonde noticed Konan setting up silverware. Deidara walked up to the blue haired waitress.

“whats this all about now, yeah?” he asked

Konan shrugged nonchalantly “That’s Hidan and Kakuzu, you haven’t met them yet… This is normal. They always fight, except everyone knows they’re actually together.”

Deidara raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Seriously? That sounds like a toxic relationship, especially if this fighting is normal…” 

Konan laughed “Nah, they’re actually a pretty good couple. Hidan is the kind of person who likes to yell and do dumb stuff, and Kakuzu just doesn’t take any of his shit.” 

“If you say so, hn…” Deidara said, turning to pull some chairs off of one of the tables. After finishing that task, he started setting up silverware. Looking at his watch, Deidara noted that it was 3:50 PM, just about time for the restaurant to open up. Walking into the kitchen, the blonde made an effort not to look over at Sasori who was currently butchering a cut of lamb. As soon as he entered the room, he felt the redheads eyes on his back… God, what a fucking creep Deidara thought, scrambling to find an apron and guest checks. After Deidara exited the kitchen, Kisame turned to Sasori, Smiling.

“Got the hots for blondie, ne?” Kisame teased. Sasori turned, eyes sparkling with annoyance.

“That harlot? No way, Kisame. No fucking way.” The red heads hand tightened on the thick knife. He started slicing the meat faster. 

Kisame burst out in a fit of laughter, Sasori’s reactions were truly the best. Before the tall chef could say anything else, Hidan burst out of the walk-in freezer. 

“Did you say something about Sasori fucking that new waiter?!” the silver haired chef all but yelled. Sasori’s eyes grew wide and his face turned the color of his hair. Kisame’s laughter grew twice as loud.

“Hidan, you insolent bastard! If you don’t shut your mouth right now I’ll cut your tongue out!” Sasori threatened, pointing his knife at Hidan menacingly. Hidan scoffed, patting his bare chest 

“Come at me short stuff, lets see you do some real damage” 

Just as Sasori’s anger boiled over, Pein opened his office door.

“The restaurant is now opening. Please work diligently tonight. Keep the yelling to a minimum. I’m looking at you, Hidan.” The orange haired owner said, disappearing back into his office.

Kisame was laughing so hard, he had stopped what he was doing to wipe the tears flowing from his eyes.

Sasori turned his attention back to his butchering, deciding Hidan was not worth the effort…

~~~!~~~

Dinner rush is so exhausting… Deidara mused as he rushed from table to table, sporting his very best inviting smile. He took orders, served food and drinks, all the things he was supposed to do. 

He walked into the kitchen and up to Konan, who was handling a tray full of food.

"All of my tables are clear. I'm going on break, yeah." Deidara said to Konan, walking towards the back of the restaurant. 

Sitting on the back steps, the blonde pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. 

Well this doesn’t totally suck... Deidara thought, finally feeling confident about his position in the restaurant. He checked his watch. It was 10:05 PM, he had 10 minutes of break left and about two hours left of total work time. As he sat there musing to himself, a dark figure passed the alleyway he was sitting in. 

“Deiadra...Is that you?” Someone voiced from down the alleyway. Raven hair glinted in the dim lighting.

The blonde waiter raised his head, peering into the darkness. “Yeah?” he answered. 

The other body walked towards Deidara, laughing mockingly. “Hah, I almost didn’t recognize you, you look a little... tired.” 

Deidara narrowed his eyes when he recognized the face “Go suck a cock Sasuke, yeah.”

Sasuke laughed again, drawing nearer to the blonde. “Only if it’s yours. Hell, even though you don’t look like you used to, I bet you’re still a good lay...” 

Deidara flinched at the words, standing up and flicking his cigarette butt away.

“Yeah, and I bet you still have a small cock. Seriously Sasuke, that was forever ago and it only happened once. If you were smart you would fuck off, hn.” 

Sasuke frowned when the size of his manhood was insulted.

“At least I can get a decent job. How’s that chef position coming along? Or are you still working as an idiot waiter?”  
Deidara clenched his fists “Seriously, if you don’t leave now I will beat the shit out of you.”

“Yeah sure you will, blondie. I was leaving anyway, I’ve got better places to be...” Sasuke turned around, content he go the last word.

Yeah, thats right, you stupid chode bastard… Deidara thought as Sasuke turned his head, just to make one last comment. 

“Call me if you’re still interested in fucking…” He winked.

Deidaras face twisted up into a fierce scowl, and he flipped the raven haired boy the birdie before he left to go back inside. He walked through the kitchen defeated, completely ignoring Sasori’s watching eyes. 

The rest of the night went without any hiccups. It was finally 12:00 AM. Deidara sighed melancholily as he put chairs up on the tables and cleaned up miscellaneous messes. He just wanted to go home and sleep off his Sasuke-triggered depression. 

“Deidara, you’ve looked dead ever since you went on break. What’s wrong?” Konan asked, putting her hand on the blondes shoulder. 

“Nothing. I’m just really tired, yeah.” he lied. please just believe it and leave me alone…

Konan shrugged her shoulders “Alright, if you say so… Get some sleep tonight, okay?” she said, walking away even though her voice still held some concern….

Sasori and Hidan were finishing up cleaning their space in the kitchen when Deidara walked in to put away his apron and grab his belongings. Without saying a word of goodbyes he walked out the back door, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

Hidan’s magenta eyes flashed from Deidara back to Sasori. Sasori had finished his task, his hands were still and his eyes were glued to the blonde as he walked out.

“He’s looking pretty down… Maybe something’s wrong” Sasori mused to himself as he walked into the fridge. “I’ll catch you later…” Sasori mumbled to Hidan as he grabbed his jacket and his motorcycle helmet, walking a little too quickly out the back door…

Kakuzu slammed the office door, making Hidan jump. 

“Are you finished yet? I’m ready to leave.” Kakuzu said in a gravelly voice

Hidan glared at the tall dark man, grabbing his food and putting it away as Kakuzu hurried him. 

“Stop being so fucking impatient old man” The silver haired man teased

Kakuzu just grumbled, too tired to fight back. As hidan put on his jacket, Kakuzu started to walk out of the kitchen door to the front of the restaurant. Hidan quickly followed suit, tugging on the back of Kakuzu’s black parka.

“Can we get ice cream on the way home, Kakuzu? I’m in the mood for ice cream.” Hidan begged

“I have ice cream at home, Hidan.”

“Not the strawberry kind!” 

Kakuzu rolled his eyes “I’ll think about it…. I’d rather not spend money though…”

“Kakuzu~” Hidan whined as they stepped out of the restaurant, braving the cold….

~~~!~~~

Sasori found Deidara sitting on a stack of wooden pallets outside, smoking a cigarette.  
The blonde was so caught up in his thoughts, he did not notice Sasori walk out. The redhead stood there awkwardly for about thirty seconds, before saying something. 

“Deidara?” He said

The blonde jumped and gasped, Dropping his cigarette in surprise.

“Jesus Christ, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Deidara scolded, now angry that he wasted a perfectly good cig.

“I’ve been standing here for at least a minute” Sasori retorted, crossing his arms. 

The blonde looked up with surprise at the redhead. Had he really been that distracted? He stood up, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder. “I should get going. See you tomorrow, yeah.” Deidara said, walking past Sasori.

“It’s a little late to be walking home.” Sasori said after a few seconds of hesitation. Why do I care? He asked himself in his head.

“it’s Whatever, hn”

“Let me give you a ride” Sasori demanded, surprised at the words that just came out of his mouth.

This asshole made it pretty clear yesterday that he hated me. What the fuck is his issue? Is he bipolar? The blonde thought, way too irritated to deal with Sasori right now. 

“Don’t start acting all nice to me now, yeah. I know you hate me” Deidara said, turning away from Sasori.

“I was just trying to be fucking polite” Sasori said, temper flaring. 

“You want to be polite?” Deidara scoffed, whirling around. Blonde strands of hair stuck to his face. “How can you expect me to want a ride from you after what you said yesterday? What do you want, to get in my pants?” With that, Deidara turned and started to walk home. 

Sasori rolled his eyes. Deidara was such a drama queen. 

“Don’t blame me if you come in with a cold tomorrow.” 

“I’d rather have a cold then deal with a ride home with you!” The blonde retorted from afar.

Sasori gave Deidara the finger, even though his back was turned. He waited until he had turned the corner to walk out to his black motorbike, putting on his helmet and revving the engine to fill the silence.  
“Stupid brat” He whispered to himself, speeding away into the darkness…


	3. Three to Five

"Let me get this out of your way, yeah." Deidara voiced amicably.

Picking up the customers empty dishes, the blonde waiter walked through the kitchen, dumping the dirty plate ware onto the the dishwashers counter.

"This should be the last of it from my section. Unless they decide to order dessert..."

Zetsu grumbled in response, elbow deep in soapy dish water.

Deidara wiped his hands on his apron, glancing over at the three chefs. Kisame and Hidan were goofing around, making what sounded like perverse jokes, and slapping each other on the shoulders in a fit of laughter. Sasori was busy preparing for the end of the night.

_At least he's doing something..._

Deidara, excited to finally end the night, walked out of the kitchen, grabbing a check on the way.  
"Will that be all?" He asked the party of four in front of him

_'Please God the answer to that question should always be no'_ He thought to himself as the guests thumbed through the dessert menu

"Actually, can I have some of the fried vanilla ice cream?"

Deidara internally groaned, looking past his table to see Itachi dealing with late customers as well.

"Sure, I'll have that right out for you."

Deidara turned around, crushing the check in his hand and tossing it into a trash bin on his way into the kitchen. He really did not feel like asking the chefs to make him one last thing... 'I better get a good tip out of this...' he thought cynically in his head.

Deidara walked up to Kisame, the friendliest of the three chefs.

"Hey, Kisame.... Do you think you could make some fried ice cream? It's the last order of the night..."

The tall dark skinned man groaned and rubbed his neck "I've been cooking all night... Why don't you ask Sasori? He's barely lifted a finger!"  
From across the kitchen, the red-headed chef glared at Kisame. If looks could kill, Kisame would be a dead man.

"Kisame, you know, I know, and the world's fucking people know that's a God damn lie." Kisame burst out into laughter, gripping the counter to stabilize himself.

"Sasori you're too funny for your own good... Say, if you do this one thing for me I'll buy you a drink at the bar tonight, ne?"

Sasori shrugged his shoulders, chewing his lip, thinking about the bargain.

"Fine." He said shortly, pulling out a frying pan and moving towards the freezer for ice cream. Deidara leaned on the counter picking at his fingernails while he waited for Sasori.

Ball of frozen ice cream in hand, Sasori glared at the blonde waiter who was waiting for his order.

"You shouldn't be serving customers after twelve, brat." He remarked, rolling dough over the ice cream and throwing it into the frying pan.

Deidara rolled his eyes. "What am I supposed to say? 'sorry but no!'?" Deidara exaggerated, putting his hands on his hips. "That's how you make shitty tips, yeah."

"You owe me one." Sasori scoffed as he licked stray ice cream from his fingers. The blonde couldn’t help but stare at this simple yet… Sexy gesture.

Deidara blushed, _‘Holy shit that was hot…! Stop staring and say something!’_ He thought to himself.

"It's your fucking job, stop bitching" the blonde stuttered out.

Before Sasori could retort, Hidan slapped Deidara on the back, interrupting their conversation.

"Hey Sasori, I don't think blondie knows about Saturday nights!"

Deidara raised one eyebrow, interested in what Hidan had to say.

"Thats a good thing" Sasori said, continuing to cook Deidara's’ desert. Hidan crossed his hands over his bare chest, smiling large.

"Blondie, you should come with us to the bar tonight! The whole staff except for Pein and Kakuzu go on Saturday nights." Hidan laughed "Old fucking farts." Deidara laughed in response, mulling over the idea in his head.

Leaning over the counter, Hidan whispered into Deidara's ear, "if Sasori gets smashed, He'll probably take you for a ride on his big, black-"

Deidaras face turned crimson and he pulled away from Hidan, his face turning into a grimace. "Hidan, thats fucking gross, yeah!"

Hidan let out a high pitched laugh, slapping the counter "What?! I was going to say motorcycle! You've got a dirty fucking mind, Deidara."

Deidara rolled his eyes, and turned to Sasori, who handed him his order.

"Thanks, hm"

Sasori grunted in response, throwing a dish towel over his shoulder and ruffling his hair.

~~~!~~~

"Have a good night yeah!" Deidara chimed as he closed the door behind the group of four, locking it.

_I thought they would never leave..._ He thought as he checked his watch. It was twelve-thirty am.

Konan walked over to deidara, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Hey Deidara, got anywhere to be tonight?” She asked

Deidara laughed, wiping down tables and pulling the chairs on top.

“If this is about the bar thing, Hidan already invited me. I think I’ll take my chances and go home.”

Konan frowned “It’s a good chance to get to know everybody better” She pointed out.

Deidara scoffed “It’s just a job, Konan. I don’t think I need PR.”

Konan crossed her arms, clearly getting frustrated. “well you should come anyway, because it’s a lot of fun. I’ll even drive you there and back” she offered.

Deidara paused and thought for a second. “it’s not a gay bar, is it?”

Konan laughed “no way!” she exclaimed.

~~~!~~~

Once they arrived, Deidara pulled out a cigarette, taking in his surroundings.

_‘Well, on the bright side if this gets to be too boring, or too awkward, I can just walk home.’_ he mused.

“Hey! We’re going inside to play pool. Put out the cigarette you shithead!” Hidan said.

“I can’t smoke in a bar?” Deidara muttered suspiciously. He tossed his half finished cigarette away, and walked towards the entrance.

Since he was the last one in, mostly everyone had already surrounded the pool table, preparing for the first game. Deidara sighed. He had played billiards a lot as a kid, but as an adult he had grown bored with the sport.

“I’ll kick your ass this time red! I really fucking will!” Hidan yelled across the pool table to his opponent, Sasori, who was calmly applying chalk to the tip of his cue.

“Sure, Hidan. Thats what you said the last twenty times we’ve played” Sasori stated, a cocky smirk starting to emerge on his face.

As Hidan continued to shit talk Sasori, Konan walked up next to Deidara.

“This is always a fun game to watch.” She told the blonde, who only shrugged.

“I don’t know… I played this game so much as a kid it’s just boring to me now.” He muttered

Konan laughed, as if she knew something that Deidara did not.

“I don’t think the game is all too amusing either… It’s watching Hidan get his ass kicked thats the fun part!” She began. “Whoever loses, has to take three shots of tequila. And you know Hidan, he never gives up!” The blue haired bombshell laughed just thinking of the shenanigans that were sure to ensue.

Deidaras head turned when he heard the smacking of the balls as someone broke…

15 minutes later, it was down to just the 8 ball, and it was Sasori’s turn. He pointed to the pocket on the far right side. “That pocket” He said before bending over, lining up his cue just right…

The eight ball glided across the table, and sunk into the pocket perfectly. Hidan covered his face with his hands in shame.

“Fuck Sasori, you got me again…” the silvered hair man grumbled to himself.

Sasori grinned, basking in the feeling of victory. He turned around, facing the bar. “Tobi, shots please!” He yelled. The masked bartender on the other side of the room nodded. The rest of the gang followed Hidan to the bar, intent on getting their own drinks.

Deidara rolled his eyes, tired of Sasori’s cockiness. Walking up to Hidan's discarded cue, he picked it up, starting to chalk the tip nonchalantly. Feeling Sasori's watching eyes, he looked up to meet the redheads challenging gaze.

"I'll play a game" the blonde voiced.

Sasori snickered, leaning against the table. "If you're willing to get your ass handed to you..." he mumbled to himself.

Deidara raised an eyebrow, putting his hand on his hip. Now it was his turn to be cocky. "Five shots." The blonde commanded. Sasori smiled at Deidara's request. "Five shots." He agreed…

Ten minutes later, Sasori had already claimed his pocket, bending over the table to hit the 8 ball. Just before he moved to hit the ball, he made the mistake of looking up.

There the blonde was, anxious about his standing in the game. He stood with his arms crossed, chewing on a finger from the hand that was framing his face, a nervous habit.

Sasori felt the heat rise to his face as he watched Deidara from his bent over position. There was no denying that the blonde was beautiful, and Sasori had a soft spot for beauty. The chef rolled his eyes at his own thoughts, focusing on his current goal: beating Deidara.

The redhead breathed out… _this is it..._ he thought. He could already feel the excitement of making the blonde waiter eat his own words as he lined up his shot, pulled back his cue and

Nothing...

Sasori’s eyes went wide as his cue _completely missed the ball_. His face twisted up into a expression of complete confusion as he realised what had just happened. Before Deidara could even get a word in, Sasori stood up, pointing his cue menacingly at the blonde.

“That doesn’t count, you distracted me!” the redhead yelled, stunned.

Deidara held his arms up defensively, relief washing over him.

“I didn’t do anything!” He yelled, laughing as he called the very same pocket.

Sasori watched Deidara sink the final ball, dazed. I had this game in the bag, how did he even-

“You beat me... How?” he asked blankly.

Deidara looked over at him with mock pity “Well, I suppose it is hard to concentrate when you have all of this in front of you, hmm.” The blonde said, his arms motioning up and down his body.

Sasori couldn’t help but give the blonde a once over…

Sasori blushed, immediately snapping out of his reverie, looking at Deidara with distaste as he basked in his victory.

“I let you win so you wouldn’t cry like a bitch…” Sasori spat, words empty.

Deidara gave a shit-eating grin as he called for the shots, watching as the redhead downed all five of them.

“Again” Sasori demanded as he began to set up the table.

The redheaded chef couldn’t help but stare as Deidara leaned over the table to break.

_He’s doing it on purpose_! Sasori thought as the heat rose to his face... _theres no way you have to bend over that much to see where you’re shooting… I’m drunk._ Sasori coughed in embarrassment as his eyes, against his will, followed the line of Deidara’s legs up his calves, to his thighs, and finally…

“Are you drunk already, yeah?” Deidara asked snapping Sasori out of his sexual daydream.

  
“In your dreams” Sasori slurred, eyeing the table to see what his next move would be…

~~~!~~~

  
Four games and 20 shots later, The two opponents were all tied up, each winning two games.

From across the room, Itachi looked over to see the two rivals stumbling, barely able to play the game anymore. He rolled his eyes, turning to Kisame.

“I fear if this goes on any longer, they will both end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.” He warned.

Kisame chuckled, turning around to glance at the situation. “They’re just having some fun Itachi, lighten up!” The tall man joked. Itachi only shrugged.

“They should just go home and fuck to save us all the horror of watching them be sexually frustrated!” Hidan chimed in from two chairs down.

Itachi clicked his tongue, “It would be a disservice as Deidara’s coworker to let this go on any further” Itachi commented. Kisame and Hidan only laughed harder.

“You guys are jerks.” Itachi scolded before getting up to walk over to the two men.

Hidan watched Itachi walk away. “Someones sensitive” He laughed.

Kisame downed the rest of his drink, throwing a twenty dollar bill on the top of the bar.

“I guess I’m not getting lucky tonight…” He grumbled to himself as he followed Itachi.

“Get... away from us…can’t you see I’m in the middle of... whoopin’ his ass?” Deidara slurred at Itachi’s request that he go home.

The raven haired waiter rolled his eyes, grabbing Deidara’s shoulders and turning him towards the exit.

“Nobody is going to be whooping anybodies ass when you’re passed out on the floor of this bar. Now let me call you a cab.” Itachi argued. He had just pulled out his phone when Kisame appeared behind him.

“Why don’t they take a cab together to save money?” Kisame queried. Before Itachi could say anything Kisame had already moved over to Sasori. “Deidara seems like kind of a lightweight, why don’t you make sure he gets home alright?” He whispered. Sasori turned to Kisame with glazed eyes and a blank face. “Whatever” The redhead commented.

Kisame laughed and slapped Sasori’s back as he nodded to Itachi, telling him to call a cab…

Itachi and Kisame waved goodbye as Sasori and Deidara walked out the door of the bar. As soon as the door closed, Itachi punched Kisame in the shoulder.

“What the fuck, Kisame?” he yelled

Kisame flinched, rubbing his arm “What? I didn’t do anything wrong!” The chef defended.

Itachi crossed his arms “We’ll be lucky if they don’t kill each other on the ride home!”

“Trust me, _they won’t._ ”

Outside of the bar, Deidara and Sasori stood in an awkward silence while they waited for their cab. The blonde pulled out his box of cigarettes, Tapping the bottom of the box onto the other hand. Pulling out a cigarette, he sloppily lit it up.

Sasori looked over at him. “Those are bad for your health” he muttered.

Deidara defiantly lit up a cigarette, taking a drag only to blow the smoke right into Sasori’s face.

Sasori wrinkled his nose exaggeratedly. “If you keep smoking so much, and you’re going to ruin your [i]‘natural beauty’[/i].”

“You keep worryin’ ‘bout it... you’ll lose all your red hair, yeah.” Deidara retorted. Feeling a wave of tiredness over him, the blonde sat down on the concrete sidewalk, leaning his head against the side of the building.

“Don’t fall asleep. I’m not carrying you into the taxi” Sasori objected

“I’m just...restin’ my eyes...” Deidara mumbled, falling into a light sleep against the building.

Sasori turned around just as the taxi arrived. He whistled and waved, and the taxi pulled over on the side of the street.

“Lets go, Deidara” the redhead ordered. When he got no response, he turned around only to see Deidara slumped over, cigarette still burning on the ground next to him.

_You’ve got to be fucking kidding me..._ “Deidara. wake. up.” Sasori implored, tapping the blonde on the shoulder.

No response.

“Shit…” Sasori growled as the cab beeped. Picking Deidara up the best he could, Sasori basically dragged him over to the car.

“611 Oak street” Sasori strained as he set Deidara in the car, accidently bumping his head on the side of the door.

“Sorry, not sorry…” He groaned to himself….

~~~!~~~

“Augh” Deidara voiced as he cracked open his eyes, closing them immediately. He breathed out slowly as the pounding in his head settled in.

Deidara groaned as he tried to remember the events of the previous night and how in Gods name he got home. Drawing a blank, he rolled over to reach for his cell phone. His hand however, met a head full of messy red hair.

“Holy fuck!” He yelled, scrambling out of bed wide eyed. Sasori jolted awake, and immediately pulled his hand up to cradle his head.

“Shut up! You’re so loud!” He yelled.

Deidara backed up against the wall, clearly confused.

“D-did we… Fuck?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Buffalo Soldier, in the heart of America" 
> 
> I'm bad at updating lols


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